Friday, March 11, 2011

Wrong Number



No neckbeards here, but someone sent me an SMS today. It was addressed to the wrong number. Naturally, I played along.


her: omg i can't believe you would do something like that, you broke my heart
me: you deserved it
her: omg no i didn't you jerk i deserve so much better than you
me: that will never happen in the next 6 and a half years. you also are not very pretty
her: you bastard i hate you and i hope you die alone
me: guess how many of your friends i cheated on you with? i'll give you a hint, it's more than 1
her: who brooke???
me: wouldn't you like to know, lol
her: tell meeee
me: send me a naked picture and i will
her: hell no where through you just admitted you cheated on me don't try to sweet talk me
me: i'm sorry baby we can work it out
her: that depends did you sleep with brooke or not
me: i would never cheat on you, you know that
her: LiES
me: brooke was the best lay i've ever had and frankly you've been getting fatter
me: all of your friends have been laughing behind your back
her: YOU UGLY BASTARD I DONT BELIEVE YOU WOULD DO THIS TO ME I HATE YOU AND YOU WILL NEVER FIND ANY ONE LIKE ME
me: baby I miss you let's stop fighting
her: I will never forgive you for this
me: can we have sex one last time just to say goodbye?
her: hell no you blew it you asshole
me: I think I'm in love with you. Please don't leave me.
her: You already left me when you cheated on me
me: I was thinking about you. I promise.
her: like I haven't heard that before
me: I didn't really cheat on you I was just testing you. You passed!
her: Yeaah right I've been hurt by so many people in my life that now I relize your just like everyone else
me: You are making a big mistake. We could have had something beautiful. I had our kid's names picked out.
her: I know what I'm doing
me: you have an ugly loose pussy and brooke gives great head and prostate massages
her: well i hope you 2 are happy together but im done
me: I hope you turn into a bird and then explode in an explosion of blood and feathers and then someone uses your explosion to bring tupac back to life. he's a better rapper than you will ever be and he keeps our hopes and dreams of the black planet alive
her: what


35 comments:

  1. I hope you told them the truth at some point, whether the person was foolish or not you've probably really upset them and caused them a great deal of distress for a few chuckles over the internet.

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  2. Sociopathy isn't funny. You probably made some girl cry for hours for your own amusement. Tell me how this is okay to you.

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  3. Great, you're a moronic, careless half-wit taking your frustration out on innocent people, and then broadcasting it across the Internet for everyone to see. When the IP histories are leaked to wikileaks, everyone will know what an immature, negative, vulgar failure you are. Awesome!

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  4. What? Wikileaks doesn't bother with the likes of us civilians.

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  5. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  6. How do you text a wrong number? You'd think she had the guys number stored in her phone

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  7. @temper001

    INTERNET WHITE KNIGHTS, ASSEMBLE! Sorry bro, this won't get you laid.

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  8. This has nothing to do with "white knights" (aka your handy label for ignoring the words of people calling you on your bullshit), and all to do with you and the OP being revolting excuses for human beings.

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  9. That was fucking hilarious. I applaud you for your creativity.

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  10. Why would anyone ever do this? It's not funny.

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  11. Wiki-leaks is back-tracing the internet right now and they will find you...http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=scyGo7tkC4I

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  12. Wow, this is only the 4th or 5th time I've seen this on the internet, good try though.

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  13. you people are all fucking retards. wikileaks has nothing to do with regular people, they don't give a shit about whether you made someone break up with her boyfriend or not. YOU ARE ALL A BUNCH OF RETARDED FUCKING IDIOTS. Find something better to do on the internet then criticize people and make empty accusations. everyone will forget about this in about an hour.

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  14. I have notified the internet police.

    They are backtracing you.

    The consequences... they won't ever be the same.

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  15. i call bullshit. How did you know you were getting a text from a girl? coulda been a guy, and then you would have bombed on "you're not very pretty"

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  16. that is amazing! the ending is the best, well played!

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  17. "Sociopathy isn't funny."

    Except when it is :]

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  18. wow i am reposting! good work sir

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  19. hahahaha thats awesome..lmao

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  20. Wow man.. Thats just great! What made you think exploding birds will bring Tupac back to life?

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  21. @ Mark

    What sorta man woulda texted

    "omg i can't believe you would do something like that, you broke my heart"

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  22. I'm genuinely surprised at how close you were to talking her "back" into a relationship after just telling her you cheated on her.

    The ending, good sir, is pure gold.

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  23. kinda unethical.. but da way u finished it turns the balance on ur side..

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  24. well played sir, that was an intense excersice of imagination +10 to you!

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  25. People have no fucking sense of humor. Frankly, this girl sounds like an idiot and deserves whatever horrible relationship drama she gets herself into. Anyone with half a brain would've been able to figure out something was amiss here.

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  26. Fucking lame. Anyone who thinks this is funny is fucking retard. End yourselves before you breed.

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